8 Startup Lessons from my Wife.
I’ve naturally always been a little lazy. If it wasn’t for my wife, I would still be using my dishwasher as a cabinet and drinking soup straight from an easy open can. She rescued me not only from myself but taught me lessons that I’ve been able to use in my startups. In fact, often as I’m watching videos about the latest trends in “lean startup” or “startup culture” I see that once again, my wife was ahead of the curve and I’m listening to others re-hash things I was already taught by her.
In particular, these are the eight things I’ve learned from her that I find the most valuable.
You never want to believe your baby is ugly, but sometimes you should validate that.
I know she would never say this about our kids, but my wife has reminded me on more than one occasion that just because I think an idea is awesome doesn’t mean it is at all. I’m not my target market, other people are, and I need to ask the tough questions and hear the straight answers. If you really wanted to know if your baby is ugly would you ask your friends or would you post it in an anonymous online forum? Which do you think would be the most honest?
Luckily, my wife gives me her honest opinion about my ideas (yes, she actually does like a couple) and has dutifully served as a great barrier in prevent thousands of horrible ideas from escaping the four walls of our home. Do yourself a favor as you begin that path toward building a new startup or adding a feature to your roadmap and get your much needed customer validation.
Work-life balance is a requirement.
Burning out is never going to be a productive way to drive success. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation has the same cognitive impairment as alcohol. Burning the candle at both ends will make you unhappy, the family unhappy, and may ultimately not be a net gain on your productivity despite being a net gain in working hours.
Walking around all day like a Zombie isn’t going to help you drive sales or make complex engineering decisions.
Make sure you spend time with your family and keep some personal time exclusively for yourself.
Take commitments seriously and learn when to just say no.
I have a bad habit of saying yes to every opportunity. I want to be helpful, and everything sounds interesting. The problem is, I’m never keeping track of the burn on my time for every yes I give out. Even worse, it is more difficult to drop a project once an expectation has been set that a team is dependent on you for something. The end result is, I’ve committed to too many things in the past, and I often didn’t complete any of them.
Now, I rarely say yes to an opportunity unless it fits within the vision and goals that I’ve set out for myself. I don’t make myself blind to opportunities for sure, but I do make a strong effort to see any commitments through to the end.
Ideas are cheap, it’s all about execution.
Whenever I come up with some great DIY project to do around the house, my wife reminds me of the incomplete or poorly executed ones. It can be easy to come up with a great idea, but the vast majority of the effort will be in creating and delivering the work. Whether it is rebuilding the deck or creating the next Uber for whatever app idea make sure that you are equipped and realistic about the endeavor.
Also, this extends to worrying about others copying your idea, there have likely been dozens if not hundreds who have not only arrived at the same thought, but entered the market first. Facebook wasn’t the first social network. Google wasn’t the first search engine. If someone is able to take your pitch and build a better business, then it means you aren’t really doing a good job executing.
Adults don’t act like children, they’re both acting like people.
While I do lament the times my children throw tantrums and refuse to eat the dinner we made, people have this expectation that professionals in the workplace don’t act this way.
I’ve even been present with C-levels physically pushing each other in a board room.
The truth is though, while we think adults are acting like children when they’re both acting like people. Everyone has varying levels of emotional intelligence and life experience. Trust me, I’ve even been present with C-levels physically pushing each other in a board room.
They may not be visibly crying (although sometimes they will cry, too), but colleagues can still lash out through less obvious ways such as sabotaging projects or taking stabs at your reputation. Keep your team well fed, make sure they’re not too tired so as they get cranky, and make sure they’re given the tools to learn and develop.
Listening is the most important business skill.
I’ve learned a lot about listening from my wife. This has made me a better orator, a better leader, and more sophisticated actor at the negotiating table.
Listening makes people feel valued and it also provides insight that you may not have otherwise received if you are doing all the talking. It makes you look more intelligent, and prevents you from looking like an ass. If you feel awkward not speaking, feel free to practice active listening and ask relevant questions.
Being part of team means trusting others.
We wouldn’t be able to run the household if we didn’t trust each other as a team. There was a time in the past where “finances” was my thing, and the proper cooking of “dinner” was hers. We fiercely kept to only these tasks but found ourselves flummoxed when one of us dropped the ball. It’s not like forgetting to pay the electric bill or not having dinner can be overlooked regardless of how well the other partner is doing in their responsibilities.
You’ll never be able to take a vacation or get sick if everyone and everything is dependent on you.
If you want to scale, you need to learn to delegate, and work together as a team. Sometimes that means going beyond understanding what the other person does and learning how to do their tasks even if you’ll never be as good in that particular skill. If you’re a manager, it means stepping away from being the hero and diving into the front-lines and letting your team take the lead and making some mistakes.
Liking something and valuing something are two different things.
I once saw my wife repeatedly opening up the same app and couldn’t resist asking her about it. Apparently, it was one of those pay-to-play casual games. So addictive in fact, that she could hardly stop playing it. Being who I am, I asked about their business model and how much she pays. Basically, users have to pay to bypass the cool downs after each level. Turns out she paid nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Here was a very well thought out game, that my wife absolutely agreed was addictive and could not put down, but she refused to pay for it. Customers may love your user experience and will never drop your product, but if they can’t find value from it, they won’t pay.
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Jacques Fu is a loving husband and father to two children, and has been a startup advisor, CTO/Co-founder @ Fattmerchant (fintech startup), CTO/Co-founder @ AssistRx (healthcare tech), and serial entrepreneur supporting the Orlando startup community.
I like to write about my experiences blending family life with startups.
Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacquesfu
